my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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