I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
