Can Purell be used as lube?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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