your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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