Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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