You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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