Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
