the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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