God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
