i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
