theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
