Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
