So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
