his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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