maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
