Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
