Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
