they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
