Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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