Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
