I feel like abortions should bother me more
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
