I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
