I wish my penis had an off switch
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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