don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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