he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
