So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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