I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
