My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just want to make out with him forever
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
