I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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