after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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