i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
