I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
