I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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