the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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