My room smells like vodka and shame
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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