he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
