you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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