i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
