I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
