So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
