i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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