I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
