swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
