It's like God shit irony all over that family
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
