I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
