your thong is hanging out like whoa
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
