so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
