tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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