Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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