I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just pee around me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
