Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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