I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
