SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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