he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
