I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i out mim tonsoeep
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
