I can text with my tongue
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
