he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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