bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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