The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
well you can't waste a boner
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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