Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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