oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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