My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
