I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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