Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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