Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
