opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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