You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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