just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
