fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
