So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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