My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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