i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
